Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
