The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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