my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need water and some morals
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
