Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
