She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
