At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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