if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
