mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
