the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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