I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
