i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
