I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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