11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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