i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
