If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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