dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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