the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
