i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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