Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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