in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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