Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
