Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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