had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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