she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
