the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Panties = found
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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