and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
