Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's rum buckets o'clock
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
