I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
