Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize