quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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