today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
