..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
