Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The air was thick with penises
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
