It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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