then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
