Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
