I'm lost and stupid without you.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
