VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
