Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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