Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
