please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
