those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
