We're like a lot better than the average bears
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
