...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
