wanna go halves on a baby?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
