i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
