i just wanna soil my oats bro
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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