That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
