some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
