i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
