i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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