The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
