Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
