Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
