3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
