i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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