and you said cock pushups were impossible
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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