I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
