1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
