I'm jealous of your bromance
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
