I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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