It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize