I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This house was built for laser tag.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
